Freefall

So, I’m having this dream.

I’m in a boat on a river, the boat isn’t that big, but it’s also not small. I know there is a presence out of my sight, there is no one in the boat with me. The awareness is that the presence is protective and no harm can come to me. The river is very wide and there are also some narrower places, I can tell it is deep and there is a strong current, I am not afraid. The sky is slightly misty like those early mornings in summer, when you know it will be perfectly clear later, it feels perfect now too. The sky will be the deepest blue so you feel you could fall into it, and the gentle breeze will stop the heat of the sunshine from becoming oppressive.

In this moment I am deeply happy.

The boat is carried along in a strongly determined way, not fast, just as if it has purpose. Occasionally there are slight eddies caused by submerged banks that alter the course somewhat, the boat moves slightly towards one shore or the other. As I round bends in the river I see there are things on the bank, we drift closer and I can make out that placed there is everything I desire, and require, and more.

The boat passes close by the objects and they are mine. I am happy, but I am no more happy than I was before acquiring these things of my heart’s desire. This is because there is no possessive urge, they have just come to me because they are meant for me. I didn’t need to strive to get them, or to fight and compete for them, I do not need to defend them out of fear of loss because I know I can’t lose what is truly mine.

I have no wish to alter the course of the boat, I have no desire to move anywhere other than the way I am going. Everything is working perfectly.

I round another bend and start to move in a set direction. There is none of the gentle meandering of before, the boat is traveling in a straight line now towards a fixed point. I know there is a destination that is drawing me on, it is magnetic. As I draw nearer I see a person standing on the shore, they have their arms raised in welcome, when I get closer still I can see the sun reflected in their eyes. Although I have never seen their face before, I have known them forever.

They are in the boat, sitting opposite me. We look at each other and all words are meaningless in that moment. The person reaches out and takes my hands. We move along with the flow. I am happy, but there is no sense of possession, there is no fear of loss. They are just the manifestation of what has been there, inside me, always. Physical distance means nothing, their presence is eternal.

This is perfection, but before was perfection too. Now it is an encompassing perfection that enfolds me, before it was an encompassing perfection that enfolded a me of a different shape.

And then I don’t wake up. I was never only dreaming, I am, in fact, perfect whole, and complete.

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