It always happens to someone else

My estranged wife went back into hospital last week because the stomach pains that took her there before were returning, if anything the pain was worse than before.

She had first had this in 2019 and the GP gave her antacids, I told her then that she needed a referral to a specialist, but she allowed the idiot to put her off. So, two years later and she is being admitted to hospital with the same symptoms, does anyone else recognise this story?

How many times have you heard this one? Patient diagnosed with serious illness that could have been self-diagnosed with the help of any search engine, but the over-qualified, below average intelligence person who is supposed to know stuff sends them home with an aspirin. My wife’s diagnosis – pulmonary adenocarcenoma, better known as lung cancer, with liver metastasis, thickening of the stomach wall possibly caused by metastasis. Oh yes, possibly ovarian mass too. Is it possible that some small part of this could have been picked up on two years ago had she been referred to a specialist, or sent to the hospital for a scan? My guess is yes, it possibly would have been. The GP who prescribed Gaviscon for a case of rampant cancer either knows something about that stuff that no one else does, or he/she needs to be shot. I’m going with the second option, no blindfold or last cigarette for that stupid cunt.

This is what is happening now, I am looking after my children to allow her some time to rest and recuperate after the last visit to hospital. On this last occasion they drained the pleural effusion from her thoracic cavity that she was too weak to handle on the previous visit. Last time it was 650ml of bloodstained fluid from the pericardium, this time it was 1.5 litres from around her left lung, it seems like a massive amount to take from a person who is so small. I told her that it was not the right place to keep excess fluid, and she should consult the manual. In reality I felt like crying. She has lost a lot of weight because her stomach can’t deal with food very well although her appetite is pretty good, and she is quiet. Still has the energy to nag and demand, but without the vigour of before. We all know there is going to be a struggle.

The kids are staying with me in the farm that doubles as a guest house, fortunately there are a few spare rooms, I suppose this covid false flag event has something to recommend it. There is a lovely little river that runs through the farm, and a large garden for them to play in, they are coping well with the change in circumstances. Honestly, I am loving the time with them. This is not the way I would have chosen for it to happen but I am learning about them, and I am learning about me too. It is funny to think that I left home because I wanted some peace and quiet and a place to reflect on my life, and the universe decided that this was where, and how, I was going to find out about myself. You know God is at work when there is a paradox like that!

My relationship with my wife has deepened through this crisis. I knew that I was very fond of her still, but now I see how the bond works. I love her as a best friend, although living with her is intolerable for me. Our separation has shown me that I must not live with someone again like this, my insecurity and touchiness is too developed and deep seated. The only way would be ultra slow and beneath the radar, there is not much time left.

She is now getting the best of me without the tantrums and temper that come when I feel trapped. I can help her and support her now, the kids have a place to stay to give her space and peace, although she seems impatient to get back to the chaos of before. We are not going to allow her to do that, this change is going to be pushed through and she is going to live.

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